Hypodeil fell with Astralove

Today I'm in this weird state that I selfishly got into it, and now I recall that I don't like it, not at all. I feel down and hysterical, desperate and pessimistic, I feel like I don't want any caffe (ok, you may think, what the hell with her?, what non senses about caffe, well, you see, to me, it matters, 'cause I like drinking caffe but when I'm hypersensitive it just makes me really really nervous and I start doing queer things, like talking to myself and repeating some stupid phrase nonstop, like crazy, so yeah not even that I can have, to me everything should be prohibited, I should live isoleted, it would be nice to be in a commune full of special people, like me, like me, and share our happiness and natural life, away from the real world), I want to get well fast, I want to be "me" again. Seriously I have no clue how can I trip and bump into the same stuff over and over again.

I think I'm dumber than my neko.

But oh well, I know life keeps on going so I just have to trust God, bare with it for now and improve my misbehavior. I know I've changed from two years ago, and that I don't like pain anymore but some times, like yesterday, a fullmoon night it just brings me desire for that little part hidden inside me that it's covered with traces of demential outbreake.

Because everyday is different I need to have a taste of things.

Just then my curiosity will be satisfied.

But then again, curiosity can be dengerous. I should redirect that kitty maniac behavior to something good, or at least useful, something that I get the feeling that will make me feel better, something productive, don't you think so? Yeah, thanks. I can be smart when i want.. right. right. All about talking but actually doing what I pretend it's a bit more troublesome. I'm guessing the list is long, yes, just guessing since I don't even keep a list, I say: "If I don't remember it means that it's not that important". Can you believe that? It's a fact that I actually go living in life thinking this way. I laugh at myself for being such an idiotic childish fantasizer intend of person.

Of course I forget important things, but since I forget them, I live happily, I can live without them, so I guess they are not that important.

Funny. Very funny how my mind works. It's all twisted.

You have to focus in faking it. If you can fake it you can make it. And it's true. It becomes true.

Now, seriously, will the day come when I finally do those soooo many things I have to do?

I'm not sure 'cause just starting to think about it and my head already hurts. So I say: "First things first". "First things I can't live without and then everything else" and since everything else it's so vague my mind can't focus, and tic tac tic tac, seconds, minutes, hours, they all drive away, and beacuse I can't figure out how to concentrate in something specific I let them all slip away, slipping away, while I just do very basic stuff like eating and sleeping and exercise. Then to change a little that so primitive behavior I entertain myself with manga, movies, books, anime, music and doramas, oh, and livingsocial too. Tic tac tac, tic tac tac, slipping slipping away.